Lads! Win your lady a brand new set of expertly crafted classrooms!
What type of school do you want your girlfriend to run? With our great new competition you can choose! Your girlfriend will draw jealous and lusty glances from parents who can’t afford to go to her school!
Choose your size!
What size do you want the students’ parents’ bank accounts to be? Do you want middle-income families? Or high-income families? There’s such a range options — the choice is yours!
Choose your shape!
There’s a selection of different-shaped curriculums to choose from. You could go for a forward-looking agenda of communication systems — ideal for launching students into the world of call centres. You could go for a tight agenda of “intelligent design” and other religious issues, with science squeezed out in favour of superstition and hocus pocus. Or you could go for the popular and well-rounded media studies courses — perfect for students who’ll just end up watching daytime TV for the rest of their lives.
About our sponsor
Dr Toni Blairino has been taking his surgeon’s knife (and hatchet!) to healthy legislation for many years. He began his training in Sedgefield in 1983, and in 1994 helped pass the Conservative government’s Criminal Justice Bill. He now has offices in Downing Street, London. From here he has, among other things, successfully removed terrorist suspects’ right to trial, in an operation that should have been much more painful than it actually was.
The small print: The prize is not actually the running of a school. It’s actually a grant which can be used to run the school, but if you want to sell off the playingfields and turn the school into a Tesco Superstore, then that’s fine by us.