Numerical virus: The menace from space
Today we read of the shocking news that our PCs are vulnerable to viruses from space. This is the learned opinion of Richard Carrigan, a particle physicist from the US, who writes in Acta Astronautica Journal.
“In science fiction, all the aliens are bad,” the Guardian quotes him as saying, next to a large picture of ET, the famously friendly alien, “but in the world of science, they are all good and simply want to get in touch.” The report continues:
His main concern is that, intentionally or otherwise, an extra-terrestrial signal picked up by the Seti team could cause widespread damage to computers if released on to the internet without being checked.
Yes, laideezangennelmen, he thinks evil aliens could inject scary numbers into our SETI screensavers and so have them perform mathematics which releases viruses. So here, to add to your nightmares, are three apocalyptic ends to the World As We Know It, courtesy of Richard Carrigan’s evil mathematical aliens:
Division By Zero Error! Aliens transmit an unexpected zero which, due to a logical oversight, SETI uses as the bottom bit in a little-known division. SETI screensavers phone home for help, flooding the Internet with unwanted traffic. The Internet grinds to a halt, business collapses, hospitals stop functioning, mass death.
Not A Number Error! In trying to verify Richard Carrigan’s hypothesis mathematicians discover “umpteen”, the missing number between 17 and 18. Too late! The aliens have injected it into our systems. Stockmarket tickers stop showing numbers and start listing recipes for spicy chicken dip, supermarket tills display Noddy stories. General collapse of society.
Accuracy Lost Warning! Evil aliens cunningly send a number that’s larger than zero but smaller than our pathetic digital computers can deal with. Our SETI screensavers warn of the lost accuracy, but to no avail. The problem spreads rapidly and suddenly accuracy is lost all over the planet. Birds miss their nests and fall out of trees, world leaders start slurring their words, people generally bump into things. Nuclear armageddon is inevitable.
